We've probably heard that expression a hundred times from our pastors. Obviously, it was a question of faith.. but naturally most of us see it hypothechically and use it as figuritively on letting God drive our destiny.

One night as I was driving back was thinking of that phrase. Being the typically me.. I questioned it.. from a literal perspective. "Yeah rite, letting God take the wheel... like the car will steer itself." Again, being the typical me.. I tried - taking my hands off the steering wheel. It was on a straight road of course. When the roads started to bend a little, I quickly ran my hands over the wheel again. So, from that experiment.. I found it impossible to really let "God take the wheel".

I did some thinking. If I really had not held grip on the wheel and let the car ride on... in a step of faith.. will God really steer the car for me? I begun pondering of how far an extent God wants us to take the leap of faith.. and begun to ask God what He meant and how high an expectation He wants from us.

My answer came in the most extrodinary manner.

I realized from the time I started dwelling in my thoughts, I was about 10-15 minutes into my drive.. without my soul and mind on the wheel, althought my hands were. To put it quite simply, although I was steering my car using my bare hands.. I was really dreaming.. and it was a miracle I could get one point to another in that dreaming state without crashing my car. One could say that scientifically our subconscious mind took over and that this sort of thing happens to everyone all the time, but that occurence answered my question. EArlier I asked God how long should I leave the steering wheel unattended, and I realized that since I started dreaming my hands were technically never on it, and God was the one steering the wheel for me.

A step of faith doesn't require us to question how God will handle a situation for us... God just wants us to know that He will. The details aren't important. When we live in faith, we can be assured that God is doing something for us all the time.. and as far as faith is concerns.. His blessings and grace are always upon us - we just don't realize them.

O Lord, thank You for Your Grace is sufficient for me.. even often times when I don't know it..
I praise You for all You have done and will do for me.. and will live in faith at all time.. not questioning how You do Your works.. knowing everything in You is more than good enough for me...

...and thank You for saving me from that otherwise car accident while I was dreaming...

My grandmother, the late Madam Chong, passed away in the early hours of 15th December 2006, as a result of a mild stroke whuch disabled a large portion of her right brain. Her death was exteremely sudden.. occuring in a span of 36 hours.

On the Decemeber 13, grandma suffered the stroke while she was in church. She was then rushed to the local hospital where the doctor's decided that they weren't capable of handling a scenario like her's. So, grandma was transferred to Gleneagles along Jalan Ampang, where she has been going for treatment for the past month since her minor stroke. The doctors told us that her condition was beyond repair and that she wont live past 24 hours.

The following day I had a heavy heart. I was looking forward towards the PlanetShakers concert, getting to hang out with friends and meeting some who recently came back from overseas. But the thought of my grandmother leaving soon really made it feel inapropriate for me to "have fun" nor jump around.. I only could praise and worship Him.. that whatever happens grandma will be in safe Hands. After sending my guys home from the concert, it was a typical night at home.. with me staying up till almost 3am watching videos. Suddenly, my house phone rang. I knew it can't be good. I picked it up, and my aunt was on the line sobbing.. telling me that grandma was about to go.. and told us to come at once to the hospital. I woke my family up and we were on our way.

When we were there, we found out that her heart rate had dropped by half. In the beginning, things seem quite calm. I almost thought it was a false alarm. Half an hour after we arrived at Gleneagles, I was waiting outside the 'high dependency unit' with my family and some other relatives. Suddenly I saw a figure moving beyond the doors of that ward. Something had to be up. One of my aunts told us she's going.

Steadily we watched her heartbeat fall. As it approached zero.. the beeps became more frequency and my aunts begun to sob even more. Everyone was stroking her. Although she was unconscious, she was still breathing and jerking from time to time. Even as the rate reached zero.. the nurse tended to the machine and kept resetting it. It was an odd moment.. almostl like grandma had resurrected everytime the machine was reset. Even my crying aunts gave a confused stare at the indicator. Finally came the last breathe.. I knew it as she took a long exhale. Finally all indications but one referred to zero. She had finally gone home to the Lord.

To be honest, even right now as I'm blogging.. I can't believe how was it all happened. I last saw her about two weeks ago.. and although she was frail.. she was still like any other living person. Just a few months back she was with the rest of my family on a holiday in Sydney and Melbourne, plucking oranges. Three days before she got admitted.. she was cooking dinner for my dad and sis.. who gave a surprise visit back in Pahang. I thought she would be able to live at least another 5-10 years. She had endured a long and painful 10 years taking care of my stroke strickened and crippled grandfather.. I really thought that now since he's gone.. it would be less tiring and relaxing for her.

Despite the shock and awe.. me and my family are quite thankful that she didn't have to suffer for long.. and thank God for His mercy on her. that she herself did not need to endure any pain. Her death reunited the family for a brief period.. bringing back her daughters.. my aunts.. and my cousins from China and Australia. I find comfort knowing that when she went into a coma.. she was praying.. in communion with God in the final hours of her consciouness on Earth.

It has been less than a year since my grandfather passed away. Some of us speculated that she really can't live without granddad. She obviously misses him alot. It's just like some cool love story... that she picked this time so close to his death due to the fact that she wants to be with grandfather in heaven. 

I will really miss both my grandparents.. the sweet caring voice and smile of grandma.. and my grandfather.. the great enthusiast and pioneer. I know they're in a better place.. looking upon us with hope. As for me.. I hope they sit back and watch how this grandchild of their's will kick ass for the Lord.

I would like thank all those who sent me their condolences and Grace Choo who posted a sweet entry in her blog.