Never before have I experience a phase like this. Even my years in HELP when I flunked an entire year did not demotivate me from completing my studies and my determination to graduate in something. I'm frustrated and bored with studying.

So far, I've only handed up 2 out of 10 assignments on time and it's a miracle I've been getting the scores I have. I take three days to read one journal when it is ideally three journals in one day. I'm overdue for my own personal deadlines, which then spills over to other things.

The pure truth is I'M SICK OF STUDYING. I was never an academic and I believe my strengths lay somewhere else, something I was looking forward to explore free-from the books I've only skimmed and never read..I'm amazed I've made it as far as I have with the lack of enthusiasm I have. The thought of dropping out or differing has lingered in my mind too often this semester and I could hardly blame myself. After years of telling myself "I'll put up with this till I get that cert", it becomes extremely depressing to tell myself that a second time.

Ironically, it's the Australian culture which has contributed to this decay. Unlike before, I don't look at circumstances such as this as a barrier. I used to live with the mentality where "you gotta do what you gotta do", "it's a privilege so few have", "it's not about me, it's about something bigger" and a the general attitude of gratitude and appreciation that life is good for whatever form it is. Now I'm just hoping things are easy, things are supposed to go my way and suffering is meant to be wrong.  Damn, I'm messed up. This is why I wanna get out of here before I become "fat" and die.

Back to basics. I need to remember what God wants. Not only will my attitude for this will change, at the same time I'll be aware that life isn't about me (in the self centered way anyway). Self motivation is the exact thing that demotivates you, which means you gotta allow Someone who knows you best to do the motivating. The importance of a plan from the One above is always good because it is something which is real (usually not so fun and not so deceiving) and purposeful. I remember how I changed when I allowed God full control - everything matters, regardless of how good or bad they were. I want that ignorant , not so rational faith again.

I'm not really a fan of the circus, at least till I'm dragged there. I always get the impression that entertainment such as these were meant for a time before Internet and television was invented. Anyway, I headed down for the very renown French circus Cirque du Soleil. They come by Melbourne every year and apparent annually to Singapore as well. This was one of the three troops which perform around the world. Their theme this year was entitled "Dralion". That's dragon and lion by the way.

Live music, as good as it can be. Lord of the Ring like singing. The stunts were quite wowing as well. However, apart from the music, singing, costumes and acrobatics.. it was not as much as I expected. The storyline, if there was one, was difficult to decipher. I can't really recall much from the last circus I followed, which was the Royal London Circus back when I was in primary school apart from the animals and wire walks. Cirque du Soleil was tidier and had a classier feel to it.

Unfortunately, no photos for video recordings were permitted. We almost got thrown out for the three shots we snapped.

It was still a fun time. ^ ^