June 8, 2009
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Demotivation
Never before have I experience a phase like this. Even my years in HELP when I flunked an entire year did not demotivate me from completing my studies and my determination to graduate in something. I’m frustrated and bored with studying.
So far, I’ve only handed up 2 out of 10 assignments on time and it’s a miracle I’ve been getting the scores I have. I take three days to read one journal when it is ideally three journals in one day. I’m overdue for my own personal deadlines, which then spills over to other things.
The pure truth is I’M SICK OF STUDYING. I was never an academic and I believe my strengths lay somewhere else, something I was looking forward to explore free-from the books I’ve only skimmed and never read..I’m amazed I’ve made it as far as I have with the lack of enthusiasm I have. The thought of dropping out or differing has lingered in my mind too often this semester and I could hardly blame myself. After years of telling myself “I’ll put up with this till I get that cert”, it becomes extremely depressing to tell myself that a second time.Ironically, it’s the Australian culture which has contributed to this decay. Unlike before, I don’t look at circumstances such as this as a barrier. I used to live with the mentality where “you gotta do what you gotta do”, “it’s a privilege so few have”, “it’s not about me, it’s about something bigger” and a the general attitude of gratitude and appreciation that life is good for whatever form it is. Now I’m just hoping things are easy, things are supposed to go my way and suffering is meant to be wrong. Damn, I’m messed up. This is why I wanna get out of here before I become “fat” and die.
Back to basics. I need to remember what God wants. Not only will my attitude for this will change, at the same time I’ll be aware that life isn’t about me (in the self centered way anyway). Self motivation is the exact thing that demotivates you, which means you gotta allow Someone who knows you best to do the motivating. The importance of a plan from the One above is always good because it is something which is real (usually not so fun and not so deceiving) and purposeful. I remember how I changed when I allowed God full control – everything matters, regardless of how good or bad they were. I want that ignorant , not so rational faith again.
Comments (6)
Go back to the origin why you have hold for so long . We might lose ourselves in the busyness,times to keep silent and listen to God is needed.
Do your best and leave the results to God .
dude. you should have headed home to start ur career…when u had the chance. =p
Lol. Maybe. But it’s okay. Now i’m here.. just need to focus and get down to it…
i hope you know why u are staying.
i hope you remember the dreams that God has given you, and not let people, other people’s dreams and desires rubbed away that God given dream.
We can always serve God, do the “right and religious” thing, but not living the life God has called us to.
Remember to take time to reflect, is it God or is it just good?
hey buddy! press on for your studies and let god.. yeah! dont be disheartened. first sem of masters is never easy, that’s how i found out and re-adapted over time. its definitely a big transition from bachelors in regard to nature of coursework but be heartened that u will be better equipped and prepared for the upcoming mths. i went thru this phase as well. got to pace yourself well for masters, cos the pace for the course picks up very fast. set an even, consistent studying pace. be joyful with lord at your side. he has a reason for this path laid ahead, jus as he had for me. (:
thanks for all your words of encouragement guys! I will be fine.. always have. I know God is faithful. I mean.. I already graduated – it’s already good! Quite glad to be back in Melbourne for awhile more. Just trying to thread into His plans.